As a twin mom, I never understood the challenge ahead of me till I was able to live it for myself. I have learned so much along the way and here are 7 things that helped me so much as a twin mom.
1. Routine routine routine:
Kids thrive on routine, but with two kids going through the same stages at the same time, routine is everything!
At first it may take you a little bit to develop a routine, but the more you do it the better you get. My girls did everything at the same time: sleep, wake up, nap, eat, drink their bottles, play, bath time, diaper change etc. They even popped around the same time!
2. Gentle sleep training:
This word seems to sound intimidating and a lot of parents may not even want to think about it. But you may get to a place where you are so desperate and sleep deprived that sleep training will become an answered prayer. That’s were I was at one point. With two babies born preternaturally with some health issues, it created a very challenging start for me as a new mom. I was doing the best I could, but I was doing things wrong in so many levels. It got so bad to were I was waking up every 5 minutes in the middle of the night. That’s because they were overtired.
Finally I found a sleep consultant and it was the best investment I ever made. Well Rested Mama helped me get the girls in their own cribs and in their own bedroom. Because of the health issues that they had, we were all sleeping in the same room for four months. And their sleep kept getting worst each day. The sleep consultant helped me to give my girls the confidence that they needed to get the amount of sleep they acquired and fall back asleep on their own. I learned so much and it only took about two weeks. I was still able to comfort them and be there for them but I empowered them to know that they could be independent in their sleep.
3. Open space:
Not everybody may have an area in their home that they can make into a play area, but most of us do. Whether is an extra bedroom or a dining room that you never eat at anyways. This was really helpful for me and raising twins because for the first year and a half, I kept them in an area just for them where it was baby proof and safe. I also put a gate at the entry of the room so that my big dogs couldn’t get in but I would still be able to leave the door open so I could still interact with them. This room is where we fed them, changed their diapers, where learned how to turn on their bellies, crawl and walk. Even though the majority of the time they were in their play area, they still got out to eat and explore the rest of the house. But no other area in the house was as safe as their play area which allowed me the time to be relaxed and not worried constantly about them knocking something down on their head, or eating the dog food, or losing sight of them.
4. Encourage connection between each other:
I always thought this would come naturally, but for my girls it didn’t. I think they got so used to each other that they would ignore each other. So we started getting creative on how they could play more together like facing each other while they ate on their high chairs instead of being side by side. My girls didn’t really start playing together till they were in their two’s and I believe this will be different for everyone, but encouraging a bit of connection will certainly help their bond. Also keeping them in the same room for sleeping although in different cribs, helped their bond as well and they felt accompanied and secure.
5. The days are long, but the years are short:
Time is going to fly by so fast. But don’t let that time be spent worrying about the house being perfectly clean, or the never ending to do list. Engage with them and enjoy them in every moment, make eye contact, listen, even if they say the same things over and over again. Give kisses and hugs and smiles and leave room to enjoy moments together with no distractions. I promise they’ll behave better as well.
6. Neglect:
I can honestly say that this is the most tired that I’ve ever been in my life and the busiest as well. The best way I can describe it is that I don’t have much brain space left in my head as a twin mom, so I would neglect myself. Things that used to be important to me didn’t matter as much anymore. I remember I went from working out 5 to 6 times a week to barely 1 or 2 times a week after the girls where born and the time was cut in half. Don’t get me wrong. I still have to take care of important things like taking my dogs out for walks or eating healthy, but doing something for myself became very little or non existent. And I say this so that you don’t do what I did. Make time for yourself, ask for help and you will be a much happier and better mom.
7. Some things get easier and some things get harder:
People would tell me all the time that it would get easier and this was something that I was always waiting and looking forward to happening, but it never did or at least not yet as my girls are only 3 1/2 years old. It actually felt like it kept getting harder to be a twin mom. Then I realized that some things did in fact get easier but other things would get harder and that it is part of their growth and development. There’s no shortcut and no way around it. This is a fact with any kid, but with twins you’ll be doing it around the same time. Stay educated on the stages of their development and you’ll understand them better. And you can learn as well on how to best deal with those seasons by educating yourself. One of the best specialists I have learned from for has been big little feelings and positive parenting solutions. They have given me the tools to understand my girls better and handling the hard stages with confidence.
My girls Haven Grace and Halia Faith at 3 and 1/2 years old.
