Our Marriage Restoration

I dreamed of the day that Joshua and I would renew our vows since we got married in 2007. I loved our wedding when we got married in 2007 and everything was so beautiful except one thing, our wedding photographer did not show up! I know it’s still hard to believe even 17 years later that it happened to us. And as wedding photographer myself, it felt like our worst nightmare for that to happen on our wedding day.

Joshua and I had a wonderful wedding and celebration that day but we were unable to get the day captured the way we wanted it to be. We had some pictures taken, thankfully by our guests, but it just wasn’t the same.

By the time our marriage hit the 10 year mark, it was not a good place in our marriage. We were still mourning the loss of our daughter Honesty Noel, and struggling to get pregnant again.

When I finally got pregnant with the twins, our marriage had crumbled.

After years of separation but working together at co-parenting, God asked me to give up my marriage completely. So I did. I filled out the divorce papers and called a notary to come to the house and have them signed by both of us and notarized. That was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Because although I didn’t have much hope, it made everything final. Once again my dreams were crushed of having a family and any hope of my marriage being restored.

But there’s something so powerful about giving God everything. Complete surrender of my life, my will, my dreams, how I thought things would look like, and specially the unknown future. And that’s the only place that God can work. In an atmosphere of complete surrender. That’s when the Almighty takes over and He does all the work.

I laid my marriage down and all of my plans and I gave it to him. A sacrifice of not understanding how or why but saying, God I trust you.

I turned in the paperwork to the court. Since it was mutual, the lady said that it would be very simple. The judge would look at the divorce papers and sign them off.

Months later Joshua asked me for a second chance. I knew that this time he was different. I knew in my heart something had changed. I seen the work that God had already started a year prior and he was a new version of the person I knew.

By this time, I figured the judge had already signed the papers so I told him no, it’s done, God closed that door but Joshua asked me to at least pray about it and so I did.

Months later God put it in my heart to call the court about the divorce papers. I did and the lady on the phone said that I needed to sign one more paper so the divorce papers still were not finalized.

At this point I still wasn’t sure if this was something I wanted to do and if it was God’s will for my life so I went to the superior court and I signed the last paper. This time she said once again that the judge would sign them within a month and that’s all I needed to do.

A couple of months later God seemed to have been working on my heart. I was very open to Him showing me His will and not on what I thought things would look like. My heart was changing towards Joshua and God was changing him more and more.

After months of prayer and seeking God’s will, I knew in my heart that God wanted to restore my marriage. I seen how the Holy Spirit had been ministering to Joshua and to me in the last year. He had already done so much that I didn’t even realize till I looked back. There was confessions to be made, there was humility and there was repentance. And with repentance comes obedience. We were both willing to repent of the things God was showing us, allowing God to change us and transform us, and then healing took place.

This is what I always tell people. We made a choice to obey God and do what His Word asks us to do such as forgive, allow Him to show us things about ourselves that needed to change, and let him shape and mold us into the image of Jesus. And when we chose to obey God, He took care of the rest. Our part is to be humble and obedient, and His part is to fight all the battles we can’t fight. And He did…

I called the superior court once again and I was pretty sure this time the divorce had finalized because that’s what the lady said and they said it would only take a month but it had already been over 2 months. She informed me that the papers had not been signed by the judge yet. I was shocked at this news and I asked her to put the papers on hold. She told me I would have to email the judge and she gave me her information. I emailed the judge and her assistant told me that the judge approved to have them put on hold.

During the next few months, God continued to work in our lives, in our hearts and in our marriage. He changed me, He changed Joshua. And now, after all we have been through, our marriage is stronger than it ever has been. We connect more, we talk more, we bond more, we help each other more and we have grown so much spiritually.

Today we give God all the glory because He was the One that made a pathway through the wilderness and created rivers in the dry wasteland Isaiah 43:19. He was the One that did the impossible Luke 1:37. And the Lord has given us twice as much than we had lost Job 42:10.

Not only did God restored our marriage, but He restored all my dreams. My dreams of being a mom and having a family, the marriage I never thought I could have, our vow renewal with the pictures I always dreamed of and so much more.

As someone that has experienced many trials and tribulations, and as someone that has been in the valley for 10 years, I just want to say that God is faithful. If you choose to trust Him in the valley, He will get you through to the other side. But that will never look like the way we planned, but it’ll be even better than we can think or imagine.