John 9: 1-3
As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.
On this day, Saturday July 12, 2014, I got up early and got ready for work. I got asked to work overtime and I said yes. Being pregnant was absolutely exhausting, but this day I actually did my hair and put on a nicer shirt than I would normally wear for work. I felt pretty that day, I had a pregnancy glow and I was loving my baby bump. I was loving the baby growing inside of me. I was 27 weeks pregnant and had just began my 3rd trimester. I had my baby shower already scheduled for the beginning of August. The night before I was trying on my baby shower dress because I was so excited about it and had finally found a dress. Every-time I buy something I try it on and go show my husband Josh to see what he thinks of it. This night I was doing just that and he happened to take a picture of me with my chosen baby shower dress. Little did I know that I wouldn’t be able to look at that picture days following because it would send a horrific pain in my heart.
I was excited because as soon as I got off, Josh was going to pick me up for my appointment at Baby’s First Images so we could get our first 4d ultrasound pictures that we had really been looking forward to since the beginning of the pregnancy.
At this part of my life I felt like I had hit a peak of happiness. I’ve had a very challenging life since I was little and I felt things were really coming along nicely for a change.
All I wanted was a simple life. A life with my husband, my daughter to be, and my family. The American dream. About 4 1/2 years ago before this very day, we had moved to live in Georgia from Kansas and I loved it here, such a beautiful state, full of opportunities, places to see, and it made it easier for my family in Colombia and Florida to come visit us or for us to visit them.
We had just bought our first home a couple years back in Acworth close to my mom and my sister and in a great neighborhood. We had great jobs that God had blessed us with after being laid off for 9 months back in 2009. I was in the best shape of my life just having won 1st place in my figure competition. We had waited over 7 years to get my husband’s vasectomy reversal to finally try for a baby and to get to try for a girl because my husband has 4 boys. We had talked about it for years about how one day, we would have a daughter. We would occasionally buy a piece of clothing for her or something small. One time we bought her her own little princess bible, for it to be put aside until the right day came. Yes we believed wholeheartedly we would have a girl one day. That day always seemed so far away to me though. But when the day finally came, the reality of it hit me and I was scared. I got down on my knees in prayer several times asking God if this was for me. I found peace in my decision to go ahead and have Josh get the reversal. When it was set and done I felt so excited about the possibility of becoming a mom soon. After the reversal and all the pain my poor husband had to go through, I had gotten pregnant within a month of the reversal after Josh’s recovery. This was a miracle God had given us considering there was only a 30% chance of becoming pregnant at all. Josh had been fixed for 17 years already. The baby was a girl like we had prayed for and was given the name Honesty Noel Wolf which my husband had saved specially for her just over 20 years ago when he always wanted a girl. I had found my purpose for living in Christ, the church where I belonged with a wonderful group of not just friends, but family. I just felt my life was more complete than it had ever been. All my dreams were being fulfilled.
Three o’clock came and I got off work and greeted Josh outside as he came to pick me up. I noticed Cameron (my stepson) was able to come with us so I was glad about that. I had asked Josh earlier that day to bring me my favorite juice mixture of orange juice and carrot juice so I could get my baby girl ready and moving for 4d ultrasound pictures. I had always heard orange juice helps with that and it was also a healthy drink for our growing healthy baby.
Our appointment wasn’t till 4p.m and we got to the place early. We decided not to turn in there first, but instead, to pick up some food real quick and then come back. We didn’t know what places there were to eat, but we knew there was some very nearby so we kept going straight on Shiloh Rd to try and find a place. We never made it to get food and we never made it back.
As we took off from a traffic light, we crossed the intersection and was going about 30 miles per hour, when a big pickup truck swerved into our lane and hit us head on. We didn’t have time to do anything. Not to react in any possible way. According to Cameron all I had time to say was oh my God!!! And CRASH!!!
I remember the feeling of almost passing out which felt like I was leaving this world. I thought I was going to die the first couple of minutes as I fought hard to come back to consciousness. My first cry for help in my mind was Jesus, Jesus, JESUS! I remember the worst possible pain I’ve ever felt, so bad I could hardly speak and I couldn’t move much. I turned my head slightly to see if Josh was alive and he was. I noticed the steering wheel had smashed into him, but the car seat broke back allowing him more room and therefore saving him from more severe injuries. Then as I was wondering about Cameron I seen that he had gotten out of the car and was lifting his hands in prayer and was calling on the name of Jesus. Then he opened my door, put his hand on my belly, and prayed for Honesty. He prayed that God would protect his baby sister from any harm the crash might have caused. I remember some people stopped by immediately to help and assist us. The worst pain I had was in my uterus but I believed with my whole heart God was going to save her somehow. Knowing who God is and knowing He had given me the miracle to be pregnant and to have a girl, I did not believe He would take her from me.
The ambulance finally came and the firefighters. They had to cut Josh’s door to get him out because he was stuck. People were telling them there was a pregnant women in the car, but I was the last one they assisted. Maybe because I didn’t look like I was badly injured on the outside, but on the inside I had bad internal injuries they could not see and Honesty was in real danger. I wanted to be in the ER as soon as possible, but bottom line is it wouldn’t have made any difference. The damage was done. They asked me all these questions about my name and stuff, and I just didn’t have any energy or the will to speak and I felt like I was in a trance. Somehow I managed to get words out and give them the information they were asking for. My lips barely moved because the pain was agonizing. My vision was blurred and I was seeing spots.
They got me in the ambulance and every time they moved me I felt like screaming because the pain was so intense but I didn’t, somehow I just held it together. Inside the ambulance as we made our way to the hospital they asked me where my worst pain was at and I made a motion with my hand at my lower abdomen. She lifted my shirt and examined me but I’m not sure she could see many outer injuries. They asked me questions again I can’t remember, and before I knew it, we were at Kennestone Hospital. As I was being carried out, my sister got there at the same time and she yelled Johanna! But no words came out. I was in too much pain and in shock. I didn’t even get to see her as they rushed me inside. They put me in a room with about 20 doctors and nurses and they closed the curtain for privacy. I noticed one of the nurses was pregnant and it was hard to believe that once I was on that side of the world, and in matter of seconds I was in a place of sorrow I never thought I’d be in.
They all started working together fast to assist me and they already had an obstetrician ready for me and a Dr to perform a c section if needed. Their number one concern was the baby which is exactly where my concern was too.The first thing the obstetrician did was check the baby’s heartbeat. To me it sounded off but I didn’t want to believe my first instinct that told me there was something wrong. He called to the nurses to get the machine to perform an ultrasound. Meanwhile the other doctors and nurses were checking my whole body and vision and asked me about other pains. There was pain everywhere, but I could only focus on the pain in my stomach and about the baby so I didn’t say anything. They asked me if I wanted them to inject me with painkillers, but I thought they may hurt Honesty and despite the terrible pain I rejected them because that’s how much in denial I was. When the ultrasound machine was brought, the doctor proceeded to check the baby immediately. As he looked at the ultrasound, he’s face in worrisome, he said they may have to perform an emergency c section. He said my uterus may have ruptured but he wasn’t 100% sure so he decided to send me to get an MRI. I still wasn’t believing that something was wrong with Honesty although deep down inside I feared there was. They cut off all my clothes and striped me down to my underwear, covered me, and rolled me to where the MRI machine was. I had very compassionate people all around me, people that hurt for me, but I remember the lady who ran the MRI machine wasn’t very compassionate. She treated me like she would’ve treated someone uninjured and not emotionally and physically shattered like I was. That gave me another type of pang on top of everything already going on. In situations like these, you won’t remember everything, but you will remember the things that impact you the most. I remember my whole body was trembling as they ran the machine through my stomach area. Probably because I was scared and in so much pain still. As I got done with the MRI, they took me back to the room. The obstetrician looked at the results and said that things were not good. He said I had a rupture in my uterus and I was going to need an emergency c section. I finally accepted it and believed it was God’s will and that she would still live. I remember a nurse holding my hand and encouraging me saying it would be ok and that since she was a girl, she would more likely survive and that girls are normally stronger than the boys. I nodded my head thankful for the encouragement. They asked me if I knew what type of blood I was and I said I couldn’t remember. I thought I knew but didn’t trust myself to say in my state of mind. I told them I was a blood donor so that’s how they were able to find out my blood type through the system. They called out for blood and started getting me ready for surgery.
I asked them to go get my sister quickly because I wanted to talk to her before I was taken away. As my sister came in I told her I was going to need a c section and I asked her to please pray for Honesty that everything would come out ok. Then I asked to see my husband on the way to surgery. They rolled my husband out to the hallway on his bed, and as I headed to the surgery room on my bed, we crossed each other. I seen he was crying. In all the time we’ve been together, I’ve seen my husband’s eyes tear up, but I had never seen him cry like he was. I held his hand and I confidently told him that everything was going to be ok and that God wouldn’t have given us Honesty to just take her away. He nodded without speaking and they started rolling me into the surgery room.